A Fire in my Heart
by the2fast2u
Summary: "I don't want to be your brother anymore." That's what I said, but it didn't get across half the things I was feeling at the moment. I wanted to say so much more. Like "I don't want to be your brother, but…" but I could never even finish that sentence. What did I want us to be? Friends? Acquaintances? Maybe…no, that cannot be. (warning: minor manga spoilers)


So, this is my first attempt at fluff, thanks to 2 friends that asked me to stop making people suffer in my stories. This one is particularly dedicated to because she helped me with the idea.  
As always, comments here or on my tumblr are much appreciated.  
Enjoy!

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"I don't want to be your brother anymore."

That's what I said, but it didn't get across half the things I was feeling at the moment. I wanted to say so much more. Like "I don't want to be your brother, but…" but I could never even finish that sentence. What did I want us to be? Friends? Acquaintances? Maybe…no, that cannot be. There's no way in hell that _that_ is what I was thinking about. I mean, we've known each other since forever and I can't think of how my life would've turned out if we hadn't met back then but…no, there's no way.

I can still remember the first time I told him those words. We were still living in America, playing street ball almost every day after class. I'll never admit it to anybody, but that had been my highlight of the day for so long. I'd wait every day for that moment; sometimes even catching myself daydreaming about our plays. And it was even better when I knew we had practice with Alex, because those days it would only be the three of us. Alex almost didn't count because she was like our mother, or maybe our long-lost aunt, who taught us basketball and took care of us three days a week for at least four hours ever since we met her. But the other days, we would be surrounded by people and it just didn't feel the same. Girls would be swooning over him, guys would be trying to get him to be his friend so that they would have something to talk about to their idiotic friends…things were just not the same. But he would somehow make me enjoy myself and still look forward to going to the park and playing for a couple of hours.

Before I could stop myself, I realized why I liked the days we were practicing with Alex best. I didn't want girls swooning over him. I didn't want other guys getting as close to him as I was. He was _my_ friend and I wasn't even sure I wanted him to call me that any longer. I wanted him to not see those people begging for his attention, for a reason to be called his friends…and all because of this fucking talent of his. He had started playing basketball a long time after me, so why was _he_ getting all the attention? It's not like I wanted it for myself, but I certainly didn't want him to get it. He was my friend, my brother, and he had that necklace with a ring in his necklace just like I had an identical one around my neck to prove it. However, it seemed like some people didn't get the memo.

Our last summer together, went by just like any other summer. We would meet up at one of our houses, have lunch, play some video games and go to the park and play some ball. It probably didn't look like anything was out of the ordinary to other people, but it was 100% different for me. Knowing what I knew, made everything better and worse at the same time. Seeing all those people at the park never stopped having a bitter taste, but realizing that he was still coming to my house every other day and I was still going to his the rest of the week helped a little…okay, it probably helped a lot. There was no reason for me to be jealous of other people, cause no matter how many times those Victoria Secret models that claimed to love basketball and know everything about the sport gave him their number, he was still meeting up with me.

However, one day I just couldn't take it anymore. "If it weren't for that stupid talent of his," I kept telling myself "If he had just been another regular player, then maybe, _maybe_, these feelings of his would disappear." One day, we didn't meet in the morning cause I had to run some errands for my family and when I got to the park, I saw Taiga with all these new people, people that didn't include me, playing just as comfortable. "If he wasn't so goddamn talented then he wouldn't be so goddamn popular."

When Taiga turned and saw me, I had already lost it. "I don't want to be your brother anymore," is what I said. "Play against me and if you win, then I can never call myself your brother any longer." I could see confusion in his face, but I didn't care to explain. "We'll play tomorrow." And with that, I turned around and left the park.

I couldn't explain why I did that. I stayed up all night trying to explain my actions, but I couldn't find an answer to it. It felt as if my self-control decided to go on vacation and left me standing there. I tried and tried to find a reason to why that had bothered me so much but all I got was blank.

The next day, we played and I felt how Taiga wasn't playing to his full potential. I should know, we had been playing on the same team for years and at that moment when we finally face each other, he decided to hold himself back. It was no surprise that he had lost, but that could never feel like a victory. If your opponent decides to hand it over on a silver platter, it is not a victory. So I asked for a rematch, and told him that if he were to hold himself back again, I would never call him my brother again. Once again, my self-control decided to leave me by myself, deciding how to react without it, and the result for it was a situation that, one more time, I could not understand.

The next day, Taiga moved to Japan, so we never did have our rematch. I was disappointed but also relieved at the same time. He had moved to Japan, which meant that we would probably never see each other again, which was a bad thing. But now that we didn't get our rematch, I could still call him my brother. I wore my necklace every day after he left, just to keep him a little bit closer to me. He had probably thrown his away, but I didn't think too much about that.

Days seem to be longer and darker after he left. He was so bright and his smile and positivity was so strong that it was contagious, and when he left, he took all of that with him. I kept practicing with Alex and playing in the park, but it never felt the same.

Some four months passed like that, until one day my dad came home from work and told me and my mom he had been transferred back to Japan that I got my hopes back. Japan was were Taiga was and, knowing him, I was sure that he had gotten himself in a basketball club as soon as he got there, so all I had to do was get into a good enough basketball club to meet him and have our rematch. Hopefully, we could find a moment to talk and give me some time to try and explain what I had meant back then (even if I wasn't quite sure about it myself).

Two months later, I met him and his high-school team on a street ball competition. I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was. After all, this is Taiga we're talking about. I was happier than I thought I would be, but for some reason, all I could talk about with him was that stupid bet we had made a little bit over half a year before. We should've talked about how our lives had gone, how things had changed back in America after he left, but all we could talk about was how we would never be brothers again.

After he beat me and my team in the Winter Cup some months after the street ball encounter, I congratulated him, but reminded him of our deal. He had beaten me, so we could never be brothers again. I wanted to stop my mouth from saying those words, but I couldn't. They were out of my mouth before I had time to even realize what I was saying. I was screaming inside for him to understand that I didn't want this, whatever it was that we had, to be over. But somehow, I wanted that as well. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour and I couldn't think straight.

I didn't talk to him after that for a while. I talked to Alex, who was staying at Taiga's apartment while she was in Japan, and she told me about him…geez! She even gave me his phone number and e-mail address for me to contact him, but I never found the guts to do it. What was I supposed to say? "Sorry for telling you I didn't wanna be your brother any longer. The truth is I have no fucking idea what I meant when I said that," or something like that? That just wasn't me. No, I had made a bet which I knew I couldn't win and now I had to face the consequences. At least that's what I kept telling myself every single day when I went to see how his team was doing in their matches and stopped in front of their locker room for a while before walking away before anybody realized I had been there in the first place.

But one day I couldn't take it anymore. I had missed him for half a year without the chance to talk to him because he was in another continent and now that we were not only in the same country but also in the same city I was being a coward and running away from him for reasons I still couldn't understand. I was about to call him, when I received an e-mail from him asking to meet up before his final match. This seemed too good to be true and I didn't give myself any second to have second thoughts; I typed my answer and went to the meeting point.

I didn't have to wait for too long before he arrived. Now that I didn't see him as a possible opponent, I could see how much he had changed but somehow remained the same in this time. He had built some muscle and seemed to be taller, not to mention his entire body emanated some sort of powerful aura. However, he still looked like that boy I found walking down the streets when I was chasing the ball I had lost while playing a match. He was still the guy that came to my house and ate what my mom prepared for an entire week in just one meal, but he was somehow different. I guess living six months by yourself in another country changes people, but right now, it didn't look like a single day had passed. We stayed in silence for a while, simply staring at each other, before he spoke.

"What happened in America…I'm really sorry," he said, looking down. Then, he looked up and went on. "But…in the end, I really do…want things between you and me to go back to the way we were before…"

"Enough of that," I said before he finished saying what he had obviously planned ahead of time but was too nervous to say it the way he had probably rehearsed. "I don't…want things to be the way they were." Saying that he looked shocked was an understatement. He stared at me, gaping for a while, probably trying to make some sense to why I was here if it wasn't to accept his apologies.

"Then why…? I mean…I thought that you…" I cut him off one more time.

"I don't know, okay? I have no idea why, but thinking about the way we were before, I just don't think that's what I want." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I looked at him, and he looked more confused than he was before, if that was even possible. "The thing is, when we were in America, I loved the relationship we had. That is not the problem. I don't think I can ever get that kind of relationship with anyone ever again, not even with Atsushi. You were my baby brother and I was there for you and playing street ball every day was amazing, but…" I had to stop to clear my thoughts for a while.

"But what?" I heard him say, and I had to let out a chuckle because not even I knew the answer to that question.

"I don't know," I said so softly I wasn't sure it was meant for him to hear.

"What do you mean by that? I'm not the smartest kid in town, you know that, so you're gonna have to tell me what's in your mind to try and understand."

"I seriously don't know, Taiga. Meeting you and becoming your brother was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and if I had the chance to go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing."

"So why don't you won't things to be the same way, then?" We were almost screaming at this point and I didn't realize what I said next before they were out of my mouth.

"Because I don't want to be jealous of them anymore!"

That last sentence took us both by surprise and we shared another moment of silence before Taiga broke it once again.

"Who's them and why would you be jealous?"

I didn't think about it. I was sure that if I did, I would hide behind my poker face and that was not what I needed in this situation.

"Everybody. Whenever we went to play in the park they would be there, begging for your attention; begging for you to talk to them or play with them and I just…I didn't like the feeling. And knowing that being your brother would bring that back simply…"

I couldn't finish my sentence. I couldn't even finish it in my mind before my thoughts were blocked by Taiga right in front of me, looking at me as if I had just said the right thing, even if I felt I had just ruined everything.

"Is that all this thing about not being my brother was all about?"

Was he serious right then? I had been losing my sleep trying to make some sense to it and just by listening to me he was treating it like it was no big deal? This could not be happening.

"What do you mean is that all?"

He looked at me for a while and I saw his expression change little by little. Time stopped at that moment and afterwards everything seemed to have slowed down. First, he hugged me and pulled me closer to his body. After a long time, but not long enough at the same time, he pulled me back a little bit and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. After who knows how long because I had lost track of time by this point, he pulled me back and hugged me before whispering "You have nothing to be jealous about. Out of all those people, the only one I wanted to see smile, the only one I wanted to show off for, was you."

It's weird how simple words can change everything. I didn't doubt my thoughts any more. In fact, it was as if those words were what I needed to make everything seem as clear as day. I loved him, but not like I would love a brother. I loved him in a bigger, stronger way than that, and it looked like he loved me in the exact same way.

I felt his hands behind my neck and then I no longer felt my necklace around it and panicked for a second. He took my hand and placed my ring around my finger.

"I have a match to win, so I can't do the same right now, but I feel like it's about time we stopped wearing them around our necks and started doing it the right way, don't you think so?" And then he gave me one of his smiles and I could have never been happier than I was at that moment.


End file.
